she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
