he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
