Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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