Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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