I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
