Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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