whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
