I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
