Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
