Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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