i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
