Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
