This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
that is very illegal...i love you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
