Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
