Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize