The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
