There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
