Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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