If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
