I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
