I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
