just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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