When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
