He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
