The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
