I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize