she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
