There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
