Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need moral support for this bender
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize