I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
