I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
