I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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