thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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