We need to rekindle our bromance
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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