So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
