im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Actions speak louder than pants.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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