its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I just sharted jello shots
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
