He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
