He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
