Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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