A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You can't just leave with hair like that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
