There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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