I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
