So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
