meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Randomize