one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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