Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
