if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is wine microwaveable?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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