I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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