I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
