Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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