so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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