officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
