I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
