i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
