Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
