Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
