SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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