I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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