this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
