There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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