This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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