I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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