I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
