your room smells of hookers.
And success
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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