At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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