He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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